Every year there is a competition to find the best joke of the festival, I say best joke as they usually get a groan and not a real belly laugh. I read all the runners up and I think they need a mention so here we go with all the listed jokes I could find.

The winner was; Darren Walsh: I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free.

Here are the rest of the top 10;

Stewart Francis: Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse … but enough about Kanye West.

Adam Hess: Surely every car is a people carrier?

Masai Graham: What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

Dave Green: If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go.

Mark Nelson: Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas.

Tom Parry: Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day.

Alun Cochrane: The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves.

Simon Munnery: Clowns divorce: custardy battle.

Grace the Child: They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for.

The nominated runners-up.

Ian Smith: If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Tom Ward: I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.

Gyles Brandreth: Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I’m reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.

Ally Houston: Let me tell you a little about myself. It’s a reflexive pronoun that means “me”.

That’s all for this week and I dont think I will get round to sharing some more jokes for a while as we are just starting our busy season saving clients money on new servers but for all of you engineers out there this has kept us amused at cmx for quite a while, it really applies to us, believe me.

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